First posted 10 July 2002 ~ Prelude.

R thought anger was not the way, that it would only push him into the other woman's arms. That I should instead now be extra nice to him to convince him that I was the better choice. Something in me revolts against the thought. If what I have been to him all along has not convinced him, I think any additional niceness would not make a difference and is only an insult and waste of time for everyone.

I certainly do not like the thoughts coursing through my head, and my constant online "finger" checks on where he is, especially during lunch and dinner hours, when the other woman could have an opportunity to be with him. I do not like being thought of as the paranoid girlfriend, which I am behaving like right now, but do I have a choice when some woman has openly declared not only her liking (which I can still live with) but also her willingness "to wait" - which in any case, is such a lamer, she might as well declare she is out to make war on me.